i am feelin physically unwell. which sadly also lead to mentally unwell. as in STRESS. i dun need to go hougang. at least not yet.

i suffer currently from
- sore eye.
lens, probably dirty, has caused the blood vessels to burst. very red ... but i think its gonna subside soon. Please.

-sunburnt
skin is extremely irritated, which just makes mi more irritable.

-muscle ache
i think from the frisbee session. esp my arms.

-bloated stomache.
still feel this way despite a visit to the toilet..................... which leads to

-loss of appetite.
which reminds mi, my dinner just now WAS HORRIIBBBBBLE.
my ma never cook. ask her buy chicken chop from the coffee shop. u noe, Tender CHicken or something like that.

and the piece of meat was under-cooked. still pink in some places. i sincerely wanted to go down and complain and kick up a big fuss and make the stall LOSE ALL THE BUSINESS as long as possible. but my ma, said she will feedback to them tml.

WHATS the USe? they already taken the money and sorry isnt gona change anything. whats the use of being so nice to them? when they dun care abt being nice to u?
and then, she kapok some rice from her friend, our neighbor and it was TOO cooked. its so hard. i dunno whther its TOO COOKED or NOT COOKED.

hai.

y must bad things always come in a big group?
its makin mi feel lousy. upset even.

CAmp Journal
first day.
went to camp after work!!!!
can u imagine? my colleague thought i was backpackin or elopin or running away... haha. just kiddin. there was 7 girls and 1 guy. and there is this Nursing Student who looks like DU HUI PING CANDANCE. u noe, the HONG JUN YANG's Rumoured GF on Project SuperStar.

the same bright big eyes. sweet smile. and nice complexion. anyway, for unknown reason, she was escorted by roy durin the night to go home( presumably).

did life journal.
discovered that the people in A-team ex-co have one prime similarity.
i,e they all hated studying or dun like studyin back in primary or secondary sch.
most of them were smart people who didnt want to study coz of bad influnce or rebellious or "just want to have fun".

then they jolt back to reality after havin LOUSY prelim scores.


second day.
was expectin PT but it never happen. instead it was staight away Games. captain's ball.
i played one round and then i went to... DEBATES. hahaha, is it surprising?

but, we went for nothing lah. the coach not comin, we not inform, so... pengz. first time since V long i go for debates and the coach CMI.

we end up playin MONOPOLY. the guys were like, Quick! Build houses ( preferably HOTELS) when Eve is about to reach the street...in front of me.

plotting AGAINST ME so so blatantly. cant they keep a secret?
anyway, when they finally build the hotel, i landed on chance and the train station. rather be send to jail then pay them the money. HAHAHA. they made poor felicia bankrupt instead. she just didnt have the luck.

then they played RISK which is about World DOmination. OMG, i didnt noe how to play the game and i dun like the idea one bit.

WORLD DOMinatION ??????? how salem-the-cat is it? lol. it just didnt appeal to mi. but i can see alex and terrence having truckloads of fun. even though they were not completely sure of how to play....

NIght WALK.
the name is deceiving. it ought to be renamed Night OBSTACLE course.
was at first PAraLysed. and some1 have to carry mi. since i am "paralysed", cant walk and all.
i feel so sorry for the guy.

i reallly, REALLY, ought to lose some extra weight b4 i come to camp.

so afraid i would break his spine, or he would drop mi or something equally bad. he had to piggyback mi, all 48kg of it, up 5 stories!!!!!!!!! imagine all the steps and u r carryin 8 sacks of rice on ur shoulder..... POor thing.

i definately felt insecure despite he was the biggest, and presumably strongest guy around. and i think he picked to carry mi, coz er...there r heavier girls around.................. lol.


and i was changed to being BLINDED. which is good. i can sleep without any1 askin to stay awake beneath my blindfold. good good.

the whole night walk ended with a mind game in the dome. a mind game after such a physically and mentally draining( altho it wasnt for mi, but for others ,it is.)... ...

we had to have some1 to demo the trick for us before we could solve it.


Third day . LAST day.
gathered at 8. on account that yesterday was such a LONG day.

and we played frisbee as part of pT i guess. had butterfingers and lost the game. remained as a spectator thru out the "All stars" round. there was 2 seniors to provide AH-beng style commentaries to entertain us.

WHY they wanted to do the commentaries?
"coz the game is too DULL and Boring.NOT exciting! MUSt talk crap to entertain ourselves..."

lol.

they ended the day by showin pics taken thru out the camp and some videos which is supposed to be funny.

supposed to be.

i tried to quit A-team. coz, since i cant commit. whats DAH point?

so then, i went to tell Roy, since he is the president and most importantly, they asked mi too.

hai.

the net result is, i am not quitting and even going to the dreaded camp( i DREAD ALL camps) this friday. AFTER work.

roy can be a salesman. he will easily ace Mr John Ho's Media Sales and Buying module unlike the rest of us (mainly, me) who has no such gift of garb in the art of persuasion.

NOT that i was hard to persuade.

i mean, deep down, i do want to stay on and try it out as a A-team menber. If not, y bother signing up in the first place?

so what tactics did he used to change my not-at-all-determined decision?
- compliment ur prospect
he said :" ... can see ur capablities from what i observed in SU. u can contribute a lot to A-team... hope to see u prosper in A-team..." etc etc

-act Ke-Lian
he said:" its hurtful to hear some1 to tell mi they wan to quit..... .... every one is important.... we r like jigsaw puzzle, every1 is important. if one is missing, the whole thing cant be completed..."
SOOO corny.!!!!!!!. i mean, its true. BUT SO CORNY. was it spontanous or did he memorise that?

-Stress Ur Product's USP
he said;" u noe. a-team? the SAO can give u an individual certificate which will record whatever u done for a-team. its a PLUS point if u wan to go Uni..." but what good is that when i never go for anything?

-Maintain Open Relationships
he said;" well....if anything, u can call mi and we can always work things out. dun need to worry...." etc etc


hai hai hai. reallllly duno whether i am makin mistake or not. most importantly , will i even like the people there? if not, who cares abt the cert? do employers really care abt that?

ARGH!

i arranged to meet YT at Queenstown MRT at 1.30 pm.

1.20pm i reached already.

1.30pm YT sms mi saying she missed her stop and is walkin back.

1.40pm YT calls mi in a panic and says she is lost. (Can U believe it? our dear YT,famous for being a potential street directory is LOST!!!!) She ends the conversation exclaiming that she spotted a MRT train station.

1.50pm I sms YT to ask her if she got herself into any mode of transportation. turns out that i wasted my sms for she appeared in front of mi like, 3 minutes later.


then we walked, or trekked towards QSC!!!!! i dun mind. really. despite i had 2 blisters and one raw spot on EACH foot of mine.

i had a good time there. i bought my Nike running shoes from a chinese lady. who gave mi a cheapo red plastic bag. YUCK.

so then, i went to FIla to buy that pair of silver shoes which caught my eye when i went out to PS on saturday night. Fila havin so many tag-along sales promotions.-.-.... which i rejected to every suggestion except the save-the-earth recycling carrier.

in the end, i had a nice lookin carrier for both boxes of shoes.

and i spent like, 140 SGD. and i dun really feel the pinch. hahahahah. I REALLY need a sugar daddy or something. cant keep spending like that!!!!!


and i had a reallly nice OREO Ice Blend there. realllly nice. Yummmmmmmy. i saw her blend 3 cookies, ice and what else? how can it taste sO good?


and i watch Initial D- like, FINALLY? i can finally critic Jay Zhou's first acting performance.

the question is CAN HE ACT?

the verdict is ... CAN BUT ...NOT REALLY?

i mean... i duno, the scene where he had to act upset after findin out his gf is not as innocent as he thought... seem kinda ... forced, lame. Unnatural. weird. the rest of the show, he wasnt required to flex any actin muscle anyway... how much is there to act when the character itself is already like ur own, who doesnt speak much and keep facial expressions to the minimum?


but still, the others r not bad. the sidekick. the gf. the fatherS. the eye candy.

lines which r worthy to be remenbered.
- god r humans too. except that they can do what humans cant.

-the only competitors we should compete with is ourselves. ( which is True.)

a few entries ago, i was deciding whether i wanna a SLACK-Til-U-Rot kind of holiday or my usual WORK-til-U-Drop kind of holiday.

since i found a job, which is potentially interested in hirin and keepin and not sackin mi anytime soon... the vedict is out.


the truth is i cant escape myself.


so.......i am settling for a workhalic's holiday. what can i say, slackin is SO NOT my style. i always want to make the most use out of my time. besides my new job, i still have not quit my cookie job. ha, i shall see if i can juggle both. already have a potential workable plan mapped out. if only my new lady boss would agree.

i went to search for a job BY MYSELF. ha, so i actually feel good about myself that i can set a task and accomplish it ALONE. i have grown so independent that i dun care if i am alone and with no friends anymore...

and i actually found one. who were willing to hire mi. and wants mi to come work tml. which is today, technically. so fast.


then, went to meet alex and kellly for the DIM SUM DOLLIES SHOW. but not before some shopping coz they decided my cargo pants were too casual and might be disallowed according to the dress code.


in the end, i found one bohemian brown skirt which actuallly looks good on mi. at half price! took like, 30-45 min to finally find it after going thru so many shops. legs ache and hungry for dinner.

the DIM SUM DOLLIES show was Fabulous and Shiokadoo ( in their own words). the best part was the Lor-Ma-Guys.

hahahah, its a Pun, such a clever pun. and there is 2 lor-ma-Guy for each dolly. 2 handsome , body-perfect, droolicious guys for each dolly, which willingly strip to their hot pink underwear!

it was really cool and funny and complete with an Indian-accent segment. and verrry patriotic, since they were still in the celebrate-NDP mood.

Emma Yong kinda look like Ziyi Zhang (snigger) from afar. at least the costume was like hers in Hero. Alex luff SO SO loud when she kepy going " the soup is salty"...-.-

and also, we need not worry abt dress code. some ppl were in there in SCH UNIFORMS, what more abt my S&K cargo pants?-.-


after everything, mi and Alex went for a drink ( non-alcoholic) while Kelly went for her date.
and then, i had to go find my family so that they can fetch mi home.

ha, thats right. My family ( which in my opinion is fairly poor) actually could drive a car home. thanks to my brother i guess. he die-die wants to BUY a car. which is good. girls will definately find a plus point if they want to date him.

the car today was rented but it was good enuff. he drove the longer way coz he wanted to familiarise himself with the routes. took so long that i think alex reach home faster than mi.


P.s i was talent-scouted TWICE, once in the mrt and another time in Far East!!!!! hah, definately increased the self-estteeem of an ugly duckling like moi.they must have been quite desperate...

the BBQ was in honour for Rlee. and CY and Zul even performed for him. CY sang and Zul was on the guitar. though i think the song .... ... was... ... hahha. u should noe what i am gettin at.

we got lots of food which we could hardly finish. and surprisingly, people like Kaidi and Arshad bothered to help us out with the startin of the fire instead of just sitting there like a self-declared king, waiting to be served.

in the end, we got 5 lecturers turning up.

we got a War Craft PC game for Lee.

i asked Azhar to tell us his love story with his wife and he succintly covered it in 5 sentences. no juicy gossip * disappointing* hahah. he is currently in a dilemma over wat to give to his wife as a wedding aniversary present...

lewis got us potatoe chips and chocolate.


SSL bought us the famous LANA CAKE SHOP chocolate cake. didnt noe it was famous til she said so. lol. it really did taste good! and must have been vvvv ex.

Thats ahmad at the corner, also takin pic of the sun rise with his cam-phone.

the sun finally rises, with the beautiful reflection on the water.



this was about 15 min before, the sun rises...

HoRoscope for the day
The Bottom Line
You've got high hopes, and why not? Very likely many of them will happen.

In Detail
You're in such high spirits right now that others may not be able to keep up with you -- and that's just fine. Let them know that you're going on ahead and breaking trails, and they can follow at their own pace. That way, they won't feel pressured to try and keep up with you, and you won't feel hampered by their need to move at a different rate. Follow your instincts and write down all your brilliant ideas, and you'll get to your destination in a flash.


i surely do hope so.


i am still torn between havin a leisurely-rot-and-slack holiday or a workaholic-earn-as-much-as-possible kind of holiday.

and i still dun have a job.

here in S.U after comin home from BBQ. -.-. i feel so sunburnt! and red. and pain. and itchy.

first time i really went without sleep sia.

some sad things happen. my kite was kidnapped and wreaked subsequently. i knew it was taken away by a family. and i thot i would be kinf enuf to let them play with it. dun 1 a confrontation.

in the end, they spoilt the string, or delibrately took it away, coz all thats left was the kite itself.


and the shells max was cleaned off by the cleaners. presumably. she was depressed.

besides that,
and we saw the sun set. i first time see sunset. standin in the sea with ahmad. the mornin sea was cool and calmin and we could see the slightest ripple effect.

the sun was like a fully cooked egg york, except red in color.

then we went home. then i go sch, and now i am here... ... *sobx*

back from my drama camp.

what can i say? it flew by so fast,it was just a foggy memory by now. but still, must ttry to remenber coz bloggin to about keepin my memories....

so WHAT CAN I REMENBER?

not in chronlogical order.

- i didnt wait in vain for nothing. for those who read the previous entry. there was an objective! haha, it was a prelude to a very cool game called trust call. anyway,it goes like this, you r blinfolded in the night, u wait for ur time to come, then u go thru a series of simple tasks...

then u climb onto a platform...

then u let go...




and fall.



onto a mattress ,of coz.

it looks thrilling, like bungee-jumping.


and i thought its like, simple or what and then when i went up to give it a try, i discovered that i DiD NOT DARE! i darde not just LET GO AND FALL, despite knowing that i wont die or what.

hahahaha. guess i am just 2 chicken.






-some1 comment i got cheerleader's legs. whhahahahahah. is it supposed to be a compliment? lol... ok , i rather not think abt the alternative.





-the perfomance the freshies put up were brillant. some really got talent. its like, WOW.





-the debrief session for camp committee, they feeedback abt mi. ask mi to explain y i MIA from the plannin session. the ttruth is i cant be bothered to waste my time waitin for them, and i told them that.

the bigger truth was that i had no excuse to defend from my MIA and I ALSO told them that.

hahhaha. can see they were stun to hear such honesty. but i dun care. its my fault and i noe i should not try to white wash anything. so i didnt bother lor.





-the bebrief ssesssion for the entire camp crew. sigh. it took more than one hour and zahidah cried from all the grief she suffered. seriously, we the camp com, suffered much injustice!( except mi lah, coz i not there half the time).

we were given the authourity to take charge of this even by them and they r just supposed to guide us. in the end, it ends up like, the other way round. they wanted control even in the littlest things. of coz, i am just talkin abt the specifiC some one , NOT all of them. and i dislike that one person now.


the rest def got it worse. i really feel bad for them. imagine gettin feedback such " its a stupid idea" when its not and gettin that idea scrapped. and not gettin sleep for the past few days startin from thur.


on sunday. i was the only one who could wake up before call time. i suspect its coz, its the first night i sleepover ... i am the freshest. whahahah.

and its already 6.30 when we r supposed to meet at 7. ashley was like, SIX????? WTH????? when i woke him up.


and subsequently, we had injuries durin PT, coz playin cmpetitive captains ball. and a breakfast which were late, meanin our schedule was forced to pushed up.

which run into another problem with senoir. this time, she is not happy that they went ahead with the schedule not wait for brekafast... coz THE FOOD WILL BE COLD BY THE TIME THEY FINISH AND COME FOR BREAKFAST. and of coz, more sensible reasons like, they might er... faint from hunger , if they eat too late, then how to eat lunch when they r still full from breakfast etc... ...


they had some errr... contestin points over this.





-the scolding seession they did not deserve, in my POV, when they poured water over amreet.

they had just finished an ob course and after the debrief, the senoirs poured water over them.
so they poured back lor.

rene gave them a respect-the-senoirs lecture.


personally. i am kind of support her and not. respect in this case is a debatable issue. and its been overexposed durin the camp. shall not dwell on it.






- aiyah,. the best team. wHO else leH??????????? hahaha.
Of CouRSe is GrOUP FIVE_ HAVOGUE_!!!!! and who is their leader?????????? muAHAHAHAHAH, of coz....is ME.!!

i am just so proud of them,can? there is one C.I inside who provides the leadership, and i knew they can make it. all r sporty and made numerous sacrefices. i mean, they had to play with flour,dip their hand into disgusting fermenting mix of floor and rotten egg.

this C.i is called iskandar and he reminds mi so much of ahmad syazwan. ha. the face is like from a related mold. the personality is like, almost identical. joker with leadership evolved from uniformed grp days. i keep tellin him that.



ashley said he didnt expect them to win. lol. meanin what? hmpH!

actually, i didnt expect them to win also. lol. coz of the performance factor. somehow, i thought the other grps more brillant in their acting and stuff... but.....HAHA. i guess the judges like them.

so they took home the first prize.





supposedly to go watch the fireworks but it ended so late. and i was so smelly that i just go home and pig out.


i went to buy a kite for the pasir ris outing. and its time to pay back to yiting for spoilin hers the last time.=)

of course i am here to say how glad i am for the exams to be over.. .. ..

but this is also first time that when i take exams, i forgot to bring my brain to the exam seat with me.

and only durin the one exam when the lecturer was rapheal lee.

can u stab my heart all over again and do it front and back? the expectations was to ace it instead of getting the 2 whole questions screwed and WRONG.

so disappointed in my self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, its over... ... but i just cant get over it. the worst paper that i gone thru was the one with ALL the tips. it made me lose sleep. its the first and last thing i think of...


this proves that tips have no use should ur brain decide to vacate earlier than usual and leave ur heart broken.


and , i forgo the "celebration" dinnner with the gang, and... ... went to drama!!!!!!!!!!! very yucks LAH. had to slack for 2 hours b4 anything started.

just a dry run which begin well. there is some nice game and lots of laughter... but it ended badly.
they made us sit in the stadium, blind-folded, waiting for instructions. sit til my butt ache. i am sure others felt the same way too.

YUCK!!!!!

so completely, utterly useless ,can? there is no objective in this game except to make my blood boil in the cold cold night!

and it was the last game before i would ran away back to home. i was so FREAKIN worried that i would miss the last train home or something.

being blind folded is not fun. even though i am already used to being half blind. i dun like the feelin of not knowin and have in to be dependent on someone ... ... or ANYone , actually. and sense of orientation, sense of time, also dun have.

so when u lose the sense of sight, u not only lose the ability to see, but also
1) the ability to tell time
2)the ability to tell direction
3)to be self-reliant
4)the sense of security... ...


hm, suddenly i feel more at peace with myself. i have come to terms with the disappointing letdown which felt like a calamity hours ago. i woke up at 9 am despite i have nothing on later.
i am lying. i will be going to the stupid drama camp.

do u believe in fate?

i do. its my form of religion since i am an atheist.


sometimes, fate best explain the coincidences that happens in life. in fact, i think it best explain for WHATeveR happen in your life. esp if u noe the meaning of serendipity.


have u seem The Matrix 3? the Oracle said that you can't change anything in the world. and you are here only to discover why u made the decisions u made.


and i am quoting it, or at least paraphrasing it.

(if u saved the world, it's not because of some miracle, but because it's meant to be saved.)



it just left such a deep impression on mi. i was amazed at how much sense it made, despitethe fact that she was just a fitional character and whatever she said was scripted. so i guess, i should be amazed at the scriptwriter instead of her then... ...




hence , at this point of time, i shall just leave my course of life to fate then. not that i am gonna be just a passive idiot, but if i dun get what i wish for, i'll say it's all fated, or not fated.

i made it to the study session in sch library despite the Heavy rain . WHAHAHAHA.

so quiet lah ( AT FIRST, then more people come, then... quiet no more....) , the silence stings my ears.


the originally table which is meant for 4, now was being crammed by 7 (!!!!) people in th end.
and we could have a picnic if we want. CY got so many biscuits. HE got marshmellows....which was V V V V nice...


in the midst of eveything, Shawn starting talkin abt the BBQ . instead of studyin, he went to make a list of things to buy... much like Ah-ho did a few days ago.


and the librarian came to scold us when mi and shawn was arguing abt the location of the chalet.
Y cant it be at East Coast man? but of coz, majority wins, whats done cannot be undone... just that the water at Pasir Ris damm brOwn lahz! AND there is NOTHING much to do, compared to the EC.

but i shall take comfort in the fact, there is a very fun play ground there........=)

just a few weeks ago, i just blogged that i really like talkin to Zaw coz its intellectually stimulating.
coz all he and i do is make each other look stupid verbally.



but now, i realized, this kind of conversation can get on MY NERVES. my mood is already bad to begin with ( feelin blue from all the lecture notes)... really dun need this at this time. its not 'intellectually stimulating' anymore, its just plain irritating and inconsiderate of my feelings/.


i really wish he knows that sometimes, i need to be cut some slack. i dun wan to be always coming up with come back lines. dun wan to be always arguing, debating, gettin critized over eveything from what i eat to what decisions i made to how i look.


i just wan to be a relaxing conversation that makes mi laugh instead of gettin mi all annoyed and stressed out.


friends r supposed to be there for each other, encouraging each other, giving advice when needed right? how come he dun do any of the above and only aims to destroy my self-worth everytime he bothers to talk to mi?


right now, i need some encouragement, affections and a shoulder to lean on ......or a pillow to sleep on. i dun wan to be belittled, made small, poke fun at... ...


so is he a friend ??

sure doesnt feel or seem like it at this time.



in a bad mood now.




i think if he ever gives mi some TLC someday... ... i will faint from surprise and astonishment or end up bawling like a Baby coz i am simply too touched.

i saw...

a primary school girl wantin to eat her snack. she used too much force to open the packet and then the whole content in the bag, spilt and scattered like fire works. the furthest the tibits landed was approximately... 6 steps away from her. it is Far.

so pitiful, so suay ... ... but this is how life makes fun of u. the more u want it. the more likely, u CAN'T have it. not even a single molecule of it. she can't eat it anymore, now that its all littered all over the dirty floor despite the fact that it was easy to see she wanted to pick it up.

the only thing you can do is smile, cheer up and cross the street when the green man flashes and try to forget what a mess u made when u cant even open a bag of chips properly.



Unexpected Kindness that i received during the camp

-YS gave mi his sleepin bag. he threw it on top on mi, and i was too groggy to realise and thank him on the spot. ( sorry! ^.^)

- the Grp 3 freshies sang mi the Australia commercial song. haha, its a bit PenGz, coz its one of my least-liked song, due to the fact that there was over dosage of the song when the commercail was airing. but they were really sweet.....=)

-Grp 3 freshies wrap up nicely part of their prize/loot to share with mi! haha, they were the best team outta the six. i suspect its coz they had a good leader. their leader was Roy!

i wasnt their OGL at all. just some game IC who happen to like mixing with them. so they were the only grp which i was on close terms. relatively speaking anyway.


Memorable things
-Guy OGL was buried in the sand as part of the game plan. Without fail, all of them had female shape and big breasts.lol.

i of coz didnt want to miss out the fun. and the chance to ogle at potential nice bods... whahaha. but no1 had 6 packs anyway.


the most special sand sculpture was Alan's team .
his group made him into a Mermaid(!). they even went to scoop the lighter colored sand to add defination for the scales on the tail. lol.

and guess what Alan did? he spoilt the beautiful tail when he yanked his leg out. actually he poor thing ,haha, coz he was bitten by some uindentifiedthing in the sand... lol/. he just couldnt tolerate the pain/itchiness anymore.

we had to re-constructin their sand breast coz they KEEP CRACKING!!!!!! their breathing to deep, the sand was layered too shallow so, it KEEEP cracking. lol...


- i kana throw into the sea.
i escape the first time. but i suppose its sorta unfiar i am dry and they r not. anyway, it would kind of fun to get wet... so.. dun care so much le lah.

they dragged/carried mi, and stopped at the shoreline there. and proceeded to swing, gather momentum to throw mi inside. *split* the seawater was SO disgusting man.


they JUST LOVE THROWING PEOPLE IN.


i met some new people and of the new people that i like, all of them r already yr3 and i wont be seeing them ever soon or even ever again.

Sad Lah.